Am Happy

Did you see Legends of the Fall?  Remember when Anthony Hopkins has a huge stroke and can't talk anymore and his face is falling sideways?  Remember when he has a slate tied around his neck and writes all crookedly and pathetically on it?  Remember when his son comes home after years away and he writes "Am Happy" on the slate and everybody bursts into tears of pity and joy?  That's me.  I'm happy.  Grandma has laughed several times, Tom is in good spirits, I am immensely enjoying my job, I'm going shopping tomorrow, we're having 9 for dinner on Saturyday night, and I Am Happy.  I haven't been really, really happy in quite a while, and the feeling feels good.

Plus, I'm going to go to Santa Clarita tomorrow and buy stuff for my new place.  Tabish is going to come meet me after work.  I think he really is a sweety.  I have had my hair cut and ironed flat, I am wearing gorgeous make-up, my mom sent me a bunch of my cute clothes in a box from Germany, and I have a steady (fun) job.  Don't I just make you want to wretch with my happiness? 

I have also lost a lot of weight.  I'm down to 168, as of yesterday, which is only 5 pounds over the minimum weight that I had when I was strictly following Weight Watchers.  I'm just seriously not that interested in food anymore.  I've been kind of depressed recently, and nothing but wine has tasted very good.

Anyway, my car insurance came through, I'm going to hang out with my guy friend Tabish (who I am learning how to be cool from), and I'm moving out of my grandparents' house.  All systems are go.  Be happy for me!

I Heart Estee

This job is so much better than shoe hell.  Today I unwrapped lipsticks, tried out the new lipstick colors, learned the different types of foundations, learned the names of the three big Estee Lauder models, cleaned the counters, saw the amazing spa room where we give relaxing mini-facials, and talked with nice women.  Oh yeah, we served some customers, too.

And when I got home, my back wasn't aching and my feet weren't swollen and painful.  I really needed to get out of shoe hell.

Also, my employee discount is effective immediately.  I don't have to wait 30 days like I would have had to wait at Dillard's.  And I can go outside on my break.  The only funny thing is that I'm working at the men's store.  Gottschalks has two buildings in the mall.  The women's store, and the men's store.  My counter is with several other (inferior) make-up counters at the men's store.  And guess what.  A man came and bought some shit today.  For his woman.  He did what we told him to do, buy two, and he never asked the price, just handed over the cash when the total was announced.  Isn't that a kick in the pants?

Ooooohhh, and just when I never thought it was going to happen, Tabish called me.  I gave my number to another guy, so I thought it was him, but NO!  It was Tabish.  I was stunned.  He said he was sorry he didn't call me earlier.  A friend of their family died on Saturday and was buried Sunday.  The daughter of the man who died was grief-stricken and his visiting aunt and uncle went to the funeral with them and everything.  Sadness.  But anyway, I feel happy again.  It's nice to feel wanted.  And he's pretty cool.  I like him.  Now if I could only get him to drag his sorry ass up here.

Oh, because I thought Tabish dumped me, I started writing to this other guy.  His is a sicko!  In an interesting way.  He wants to have phone sex.  I dunno.  Maybe after I move.

Hmmm, we have a new caregiver coming in to sort out my Grandma.  And we had a contractor around to look at ripping out her bathtub and putting a flat shower in the bathroom instead.

A local principal called me today to tell me that there is a 6th grade teacher opening at a local school (not his, he is fully staffed).  However, he got my application when I sent it a couple of weeks ago and he told me to tell the other school's principal that he sent me over.  So it sounds like something might pan out here.

I work tomorrow at 9.  For once, I'm looking forward to it.

Back to the Grind

OK, so tomorrow is my first day selling make-up to women who have a lot of money.  I'd rather be shopping.

Grandma is OK.  Tom is OK.  I just found out that my step-aunt (the one with the posh accent) and her husband (the talkative money-making machine) are coming to see us next weekend.  They live in London most of the time.  So anyway, I have to get Grandma to act a little bit more sane and clean this place up.  Also, real groceries (not just cantaloupes and cartons of old milk) may need to be purchased. 

Tabish talked to me on the phone on Friday, but I haven't hear from him since.  This has made me sad.  I'm trying to keep myself busy so that I don't think about the rejection and get depressed...

I wrote to another hot guy on the dating site I like.  Let's see if he bites.  He's made hot compared to Tabz.  But Tabz was fun and had cool stories to tell.  Sadness.  I want him because he doesn't want me!  Oh well, there are other fish on plenty of fish.com

I took Tom to see my new house in Santa Clarita today.  He liked it.  Then we tried to go to a state park and see some snakes, but a fire burned the whole place down and when we got there it was charred ruins.  A big sign was posted that said DO NOT ENTER.  Not that we would have.

I'm excited about Estee Lauder.  I will tell you how it goes!

Why Heather is my Best Friend

Because of funny e-mails like these:

Hey girl,
I'm watching the Wizard of Oz.  That neighbor lady who
turns into the wicked witch is one stone-cold bitch. Destroy poor toto?  Fuck her.

Yeah, eharmony is cool, but damn expensive.  They've
found me about 8 matches, but no one worth paying
money to hear more about.  They keep matching me with
really outgoing types and I know I would not be into that. 

How is the job hunt working out?  did you have your
interview yet?I can't wait to move back to Richmond in Aug.  My
parents are making me insane(r).

I'm volunteering at the legal aid place in Tappahannock.  Poor people have lots of legal problems.
Bye

GROSS!!!!!

Dear Sweet Saints, Look at this DISGUSTING e-mail I just got.  It's from a guy who uses the roommate finding service that I use.  Ick, Ick, Ick.  He just wants a Ho, not a roommate.  And I looked at his pics and he is REVOLTING.  If you want to see them, go to www.roommateaccess.com.  He's rdmmoyer

Are you still looking for a roommate? Would you like to live in Long Beach, California? Please check out my profile and contact me at: “rdmmoyer@dslextreme.com“. You may also call me at: 562-436-8888. I’m looking forward to meeting you. Roy. >>>>>>>>>>>> My profile: Here is free rent for the right woman. There are a lot of amenities that come with this apartment. Free rent, free food, free utilities, free basic sundries, free phone service, free cable TV, parking, and free moving service. I am a decent, sincere, honest, hardworking, and financially secure man hoping to find a mutually beneficial relationship with a female roommate. Must supply a photo and basic background check. Drugs and disease free, no smoking, and a private quiet life style are the requirements. I do like to have fun! Theme parks and tourist stuff in S.Calif, dinners, movies, theater, biking, hiking, camping, skating, swimming, long drives to points of interest, sitting at a desk and reading and studying interesting stuff, long walks at a rapid pace, eating ice cream and popcorn and drinking wine and beer, and of course - quiet companionship in an intimate place. I would prefer to have a Hispanic female roommate so she can make me fluent in Spanish, or an Asian female roommate just because I love Asian females. Actually I am looking for a sweet, sincere, honest, fun, and temperate roommate of any race or background. This will be interesting for both of us.

Chocolate Good

Things that are Good:
Fruity Pebbles cereal
McDonalds Drive Thru
French Kisses
Nicholas Cage
100 dollar bills
Nine West bags
Glazed doughnuts
Unexpected phone calls from old friends
Atomic Kitten CDs
Dangly earrings
Clinique make-up products
Estee Lauder make-up products
Shiseido make-up products
Colin Firth
Pants that make you look like you instantly lost 15 pounds
Parcels from Amazon.com
Birthday checks
Keyless entry
Real mail
Bridget Jones’s Diary (the book AND movie)
Home improvement TV
Lounging on the beach with a margarita
Shopping
Outback Steakhouse
Snow days
Bloody Marys
Freschetta Pizzas
Things that are Bad:
Late fees on overdue library books, video rentals, and credit card bills
Zits
Cellulite
Pantyhose that are so tight the crotch won’t go any higher than your knees
Gas over $2.40 a gallon
Traffic jams
Wet N Wild make-up products
Bra straps that slip down constantly
Paris Hilton
People that wake you up before your alarm has gone off
Standardized tests
23.99% APR on your credit card
Expired warranties
Melted lipstick in your handbag
Cokes that explode when you screw off the cap
Cramps
Got your own to add???

Voila -- Shaved Cat! 

Kat and one of the M&M's 

Funny Cat 

Sunshiny Days

Grandma is doing A-OK. She's eating, walking, relaxed. It's a relief. Had a male nurse come to care for her wound today. Sounds sexy, but he wasn't.

Got my Real Estate book today. It's HUGE. So I get to read chapters 1-4 before Saturday. The guy teaching the class is a big burly black man. He looks like such a thug! He's really articulate and owns the real estate brokerage, so he's a man with a plan. I want to be like him when I grow up. Minus the gold chain.

I start working tomorrow (Amen, Amen). The balance in my bank account is humorously low. Am stalking an internet guy who is spending the rest of the summer touring South America. Then he's coming up to LA and wants to meet me. His personal ad said "I hate gold-diggers." Sounds like an announcement that he has money, to me! Oh well, he doesn't need to know that I'll run a credit check on him if it gets serious. That's normal, right?

Step-grandfather Tom is back soon. Everyone is looking forward to it! Then I am goint to start seriously apartment-hunt.

How to make God laugh: Tell him your plans

This morning I woke up to the sound of breaking glass. I didn't think much about it; I just assumed Grandma dropped a glass in the sink or something. Five minutes later, I walked down the hallway and into the kitchen. In the middle of the floor was my Grandma, lying absolutely still. I thought she was gone. She was so quiet. Blood and broken glass were all over the floor. She had dropped the coffee pot and fallen. Her glasses were outside the kitchen, on the living room carpet. I ran over and shook her shoulder. "Grandma!" She turned her head, thank God, and looked up at me. "I'm fine," she said. I ran over and got the phone and dialled 911. I have never had to call 911 before. I told them my Grandmother fell down and was bleeding. They immediately switched me over to the fire department and I had to tell them our address, Grandma's condition, etc. I had to find out where she was bleeding and apply pressure. I thought it was her head, but she just had blood on the floor near her head. It was her wrist that was bleeding. I will never figure out how she got blood everywhere from that one single cut. She must have fallen, still holding the coffee pot, and sliced her wrist with the glass when it smashed. I put pressure on the wrist, but it was already clotting and bleeding very little, so I left the cloth on it and started running around like a mad woman. I turned off the alarm so we could open the front door when the paramedics arrived. I went ahead and threw the front door open so they could just walk in when they got here. I was wearing the stupidest short little white nightie, but I wasn't going to run change and leave Grandma abandoned so they could walk in and think I wasn't attending to her needs. So when the big, burly hunks of men came in, that's how they found us. Me in my little-girl-nightie, kneeling next to my crumpled Grandmother (complete with her nightshirt on inside-out), in the midst of broken glass and pools of blood. We got the full she-bang. Fire engine, support truck, and ambulance. They did all of Grandma's vital stats and everything was normal. The house was flooded with hot men and Grandma was answering questions about what year she was born and what she was doing when she fell. I ran to put real clothes on. They loaded her onto a stretcher, bandaged her wrist, and asked me, "Is she usually out of it after she falls?" I had to snicker. She's always out of it. She has dementia or is entering dementia, however you want to say it. But the doctors haven't labeled her. We think was made her fall was low blood pressure. When she stands up or first wakes up it gets pretty low. But when we ask her if she was lightheaded when she fell, she just says she doesn't know. So I followed them to the hospital at 8:30 (this all started at 8). We met with the doctor, he asked her questions, she gave him false answers, I corrected them. We did blood tests and a CAT scan. Nothing is wrong with her! Yeah, right. We got discharged at 12:45. My first real estate class was today. Should have been from 9-1. I called them after I had been at the hospital and asked them to leave a note for the teacher so he would know why I didn't show. Anyway, she got the all clear and I drove her home. We're here now. She has been resting a lot. She had a big day, to say the least.

Traffic Lights

I had forgotten how much I detest traffic lights. Oh my God. As soon as you get going, another one turns red, and you get to wait. It happened to me like 50 times today. I now appreciate the genius of heart-attack-inducing round-abouts.

Today I lived like a housewife. Went to the library and dry cleaners in the morning to drop off stuff, then came home to fix granny a nutritious lunch. Pasta, boiled carrots, and an Orea.

Then I went to look at a room for rent. The guy that owns the place is a trucker and is hardly ever there, but his out-of-work girlfriend is there all the time. Looked really nice on the inside, but I can't deal with the girlfriend.

Then I went to the DMV. Turns out they don't do the SMOG check there. I could have screamed. I thought she told me to bring the car in for the verification AND the smog. No, she meant for me to take it somewhere private for the smog. So then I paid for my plates, got an oil change, got the smog check (which cost $60 and took 45 minutes in a hell hole of a concrete shack with a broken recliner in it) and then got the privilege of buying my only Palmdale friend a shower gift for her wedding. Only JC Penney did not have ONE FUCKING THING that was on her three page registry. So I got her a gift card, the most thoughtless gift one can give. Whatever. At least she can spend it how she wants.

Tomorrow starts real estate school and Bekah's shower. I was excited before, but now I'm just exhausted.

Small World

I can't believe it. Ashkan is the guy I met through M & M and went clubbing with in Dubai. Tabish is the guy I met online who calls me sometimes (and I will eventually meet because I find him tall, dark and handsome). Tabish knows Ashkan. From high school. Through a mutual friend who lived in Ashkan's neighborhood. How weird is that??!! They both live in Irvine.

Now I'm taking Granny out to lunch, to get our hair done at JC Penney (tres chic) and then I'm kidnapping her to go to the doctor.

We'll see how that goes. I'm nervous.

Not Exactly the Corporate Ladder

So today Grandma called me on my cell phone to wake me up (she had already been in my room 3 times and told me, "Don't you think you outta get up now?"). I told her to piss off in a nice way. Then, on the phone, she goes, "Just checking!" GAH-- GRR!!

Then I made her a nutritious lunch. An hour later I caught her with Orea cookie crumbs all over her face.

I'm still tutoring the guys from the water company. They like their math lessons, I think. Philip is so thrilled to now understand how to change parts per million to parts per billion. They're the oldest students I ever had, but the pleasure of seeing them "get it" is the same as when I see a 10-year-old grasp fractions. We agreed they'd pay me 10 dollars an hour. So last night when I left, they put some bills in my hand and we all said our pleasantries. When I got home and unfolded them to put them in my wallet, I found they had given me $40. Can you imagine? I must look so pathetic and jobless!

But guess what! Today I GOT A JOB. I'm going to work at Dillards for slightly more than 10 dollars an hour. I'm so relieved. I'm starting part time, but they say that there are lots of hours to be had so I might be working quite a bit more than 20 hours a week. Plus it's 10% commission, so I could potentially be taking home quite a haul. Then again, I might hate it. Dealing with people's feet in the shoe department isn't exactly glamorous, but at least I'll get to talk to people all day!

I'm trying out a bar-b-q salmon recipe for dinner tonight. We'll see if G-ma appreciates it more than the shrimp. I couple of nights ago I slaved over it, she ate two shrimp, said she didn't like them, and threw them away. I could have smothered her with a pillow!

My real estate course starts Saturday morning. I am madly excited about that.

And I talked to my Iranian friend Ashkan! He was working so we didn't talk long, but he was so sweet and polite and I said I would see his praises to Manar and Manal. I might drive down to Irvine to go out to lunch with him soon. He's going to Italy in early August, so I have to get my butt down there. Irvine is also where Tabish lives... Good excuse to drop by and see him?? Go see Ashkan, go see Tabish, get my male company fix?

I miss everyone! Please comment.

Sittin' on a Rock in LA

Watching the time rollin' away.

So my new dream is to work the Estee Lauder counter. And sell real estate... And meet a rich, handsome man. Actually, I just like men that adore me. That's what I want. A man who says random, sincere, adrenaline-rushing compliments. Who is in awe of my beauty and wit. This means that I have to find a man who is incurably insane, but no matter.

What is everyone doing for the 4th of July?

I'm going over to Bekah's house. I think there is going to be red meat and prayer. I won't stay very long if that's all there is, I can tell you that for free. There better be some dangerous firecrackers and kids with matches. I need the entertainment.

I weigh less than I've weighed in a looooonnnnnnggggg time. My lowest weight after Weight Watchers was 163. I ballooned up as high as 188 afterward, but now I'm back down to 171. Now that I know I'm thinner again, I'm watching my food. Which makes me want to eat more of it. I think I'll go back to ignoring what I was eating and throwing away whatever tasted like crap (mainly vegetables). That seemed to be working.

I would love to weigh 150. I looked amazing when I weighed 150. Please Lord, let me weigh 150. So I can get a rich, crazy husband and fly first class.

You guys will be the first to know if I get my navy Estee Lauder smock and key to the counter glass.

Sitting on a rock in LA...

Watching the time rollin' away.

So my new dream is to work the Estee Lauder counter. And sell real estate... And meet a rich, handsome man. Actually, I just like men that adore me. That's what I want. A man who says random, sincere, adrenaline-rushing compliments. Who is in awe of my beauty and wit. This means that I have to find a man who is incurably insane, but no matter.

What is everyone doing for the 4th of July?

I'm going over to Bekah's house. I think there is going to be red meat and prayer. I won't stay very long if that's all there is, I can tell you that for free. There better be some dangerous firecrackers and kids with matches. I need the entertainment.

I weigh less than I've weighed in a looooonnnnnnggggg time. My lowest weight after Weight Watchers was 163. I ballooned up as high as 188 afterward, but now I'm back down to 171. Now that I know I'm thinner again, I'm watching my food. Which makes me want to eat more of it. I think I'll go back to ignoring what I was eating and throwing away whatever tasted like crap (mainly vegetables). That seemed to be working.

I would love to weigh 150. I looked amazing when I weighed 150. Please Lord, let me weigh 150. So I can get a rich, crazy husband and fly first class.

You guys will be the first to know if I get my navy Estee Lauder smock and key to the counter glass.

Deleted

deleted

Meet Kat

Kat in front of the Assembly Rooms, site of the planned (and cancelled) wedding. 

I forgot...

I forgot to tell you who else wants my money. CA schools sent me a thing to get my license switched over from VA to CA. It's only $111 to get my fingerprints done, background check, and new license. WHAT?! No dears, you're supposed to pay me. Ugh and Blech. I'm sick of bleeding money.

Everyone wants my money

Today I went and signed up for the real estate course. I was the last person admitted! I was pissed, though, because I called them yesterday and asked if I could pay with a MasterCard. She told me yes, that would be fine. I show up today and they only take money orders or checks. God damn it. So I had to go get a 200 dollar cash advance, which is going to cost me way over 200 in the long run, but I'll be damned if I'm going to miss this course after I've been waiting like a month for it to start. I saw another girl who came to sign up. She was proper trash, let me tell you. Nose ring and everything. But I really didn't like her because I smiled at her and she didn't smile back. Good luck selling a bird house, bitch.

Then I went to Gottschalks, a department store, for my interview. I had written on my application that I would work as a sales rep or stockist. So "receiving" called me and that interview went so great. The manager, Becky, had her Weight Watchers dining out guide sitting on her desk, so I asked her if she did WW because I used to do WW and I lost 50 pounds! She was like, yeah, I do it but I have only lost 35 and gained back 20! So we commiserated on how hard it is to eat right. Then this other lady showed up and they told me they just called me because girls never write stock on the applications and so they decided to interview me to get another female in. I was getting used to the idea of working unloading stuff of of a semi when Wham! I was called to do a second interview with the store manager. They have you do interviews with two people before you get hired. The manager looked me up and down, asked me why I chose Randolph-Macon Woman's College, and then he said I was a polished lady and didn't belong in stock. So he told me that cosmetics is the best paying department in the store and asked me what brand I like. I told him that I am an Estee Lauder devotee, so he called the EL ladies in. Both of them were caked in make-up, which I love, and they told me there is an opening in 10 days at the Estee Lauder counter. So, I pray to God, they will call me in a week and offer it to me. Antelope Valley Mall isn't the most high-traffic place in the world, but I could sell the shit out of make-up. Elena showed me how when she worked at Clinique in Reading. But there is a lot of paperwork crap, ugh. Anyway, I'm so glad that I got some positive reinforcement from the store manager, because I was starting to feel like a real loser. He's no dummy, though, because he senses that I will leave Gottschalks to teach in a couple of months, which is my dream, so we'll see if I actually get hired. I told him that no one has called me from a California school so it looks like all the positions are filled. Maybe he'll believe it.

Now I'm back at home and the cleaning ladies are here. I need to get a grip and realize how freaking lucky I am. I have one credit card that is not maxed out (yet) and I live in a nice house (until step-G-pa gets back). Things could be way worse. I hope they keep getting better.