Don't Be Sad

Slush, don't be sad. You have two new kitties, you're dead smart, you're going to be a highly-paid bitch with a stack of subpoenas in no time (your dream come true!) and a nice medical student will play hide-the-sausage with you in your big, new apartment. I had a vision. I just know it will come true.

Ooohhhh, guess what. I played hide-the-sausage last night. But enough of that unladylike drivel.

Sexy Italian man came over last night and we went to see Cellular. I just wanted to see it because Kim Basinger is in it and everyone at work says that I look like her. It was a pretty crap movie. At one point, this good cop kicks over a goldfish bowl to distract the bad cop and shoot her. So I turn to Orazio and say, watch him save the fish because he's a good guy and put it in a glass of water or something. Next thing you know, he's sitting in an ambulance, holding the goldfish in a wine glass full of fresh water. Ha. Completely predictable.

Then we went to Ralph's and picked up spaghetti, olive oil, a chili pepper (it cost 1 cent), parsley, and whatever else he put in our dinner to make it taste sooooooooooo good. So I ate a big ol' plate of spaghetti, drank Spumante, and then went upstairs and played hide-the-sausage. I don't think my roommate likes that I always have this big hot man around here. She's getting picky about how I clean and monitor my laundry. Yawn.

My last day at Estee Lauder is on Thursday. Thank God, because it's getting really old and boring. Kind of like the customers. Seriously, though, I know I'll miss it. It was a fun job and the girls I worked with were beyond hilarious. For example, Stephanie wondered aloud, "Is Kenya in India?" Corinna told us all that she was going to Hamsterdam (not a spelling error) and couldn't imagine why she would need to get a passport if she was just going there for the weekend. Corinna also told a customer that she wasn't feeling well and wished that she had a Volume (meaning Valium). That was before she told a story in which the man ended up comatized. Jesus. But the girl can sell. And she has her talons in a doctor. Maybe she'll make it. I hope so, because I'm afraid for her. Beauty fades. Dumb is forever. And it's embarassing.

xxx

More News

This is my sixth day as a non-smoker. It's alright, but sometimes I really want one. Like when I'm happy or really pissed off. Or depressed or bored. So basically, all the time I'd like to have a cigarette.

I think I'm getting fat. I can't tell yet. Maybe when I get my hoodlum class I will start smoking again. I don't know...

My last day with Estee Lauder is on the 23rd. I've been buying shoes, cosmetics, and perfume before my 25% discount gets stripped away. You know, the important stuff.

My best friend called me tonight and that made me sooooooo happy. I love hearing from her. She's awesome and funny and soooo pretty. I wish that more people could be like her. We'd have a lot more violent crime and everyone would eat Ben & Jerry's for lunch.

I'm tired, but I have a million things to do and not a lot of motivation to do them.

Tomorrow, Tomorrow, I Luv Ya, Tomorrow

Today I went to my new school and I met the teacher I'm replacing. She survived my class two months, then she decided to get out while she could. I'm not kidding. She's going to 2nd grade. All the teachers are telling me that my class is out of control. Behaviorally challenging. And the lowest of the low academic groups. I'm trying not to let it scare the shit out of me.

I got all the teacher's editions. Fuck, they're heavy.

Tomorrow night I'm going out to dinner with Orazio. Happiness. I'm going to drink a lot and then take him home and shag him. Speaking of Orazio, I have a pic of the handsome devil. I'll stop writing this and post it.

Orazio, the sexy Italian 

Kate, G-ma, and Tom 

Jinna Rocks!

Hey Jinna!
I can't wait until you get here. Wow. A friend in California. I guess you won't be here in time for our bar-b-q on Sunday. That's ok. We'll have another and make it in honor of you.

Hmmm... Orazio is still setting me on fire. He's so sweet in e-mails and on the phone. I've never known anyone so hot to be so kind.

I went to the gym tonight and did 12 minutes running/panting/walking/stumbling. I also did 21 minutes cycling. Plus 5 minutes on stairmaster (I hate the stairmaster; I will never subject myself to more than 5 minutes on it). I did some upper body and stomach weight training exercises that I don't know the names of, I stretched a little, and I drank some water. Most importantly, I have completed 4 days without a cigarette. Can you believe it? I've been trying to keep really, really busy. That way I don't think about it. Today I put my little 7 mg patch on my back and I went to get my hair highlighted, cut, and flat ironed. Four hours later, I emerged and went straight to work. I was late, as usual, so I had to change in my car like a fool.

This is the diet I am following:
Eat nothing for as long as possible
Eat Wheat Thins out of box that you find under the passenger seat in your car
Eat 3 chocolates that your coworker made at home in the microwave, dyed red, and poured into little heart molds on her lunch hour
Drink large coffee that tastes suspiciously of whole milk
Go to Olive Garden at 9:30 and eat a bowl of soup, followed by a gargantuan bowl of salad so good that you would slap your mama for another serving
Drink a lot of diet coke and a small glass of water
Take a long, hot bath so you can sweat it all out
Read a Marian Keyes novel in the bath and get angry at the unfeeling male villain, adrenaline surging through veins and heart racing as the outrage sweeps through you
Sleep
Wake up thin, gorgeous, with knowledge of Italian hunk likely masturbating over your image on his computer screen

Laugh at the world, because face it. People are hilarious and nothing makes any sense. Ever.

Kisses,
Kat

I Heart Italians

OOOOoooh, guess what. I haven't heard from Tabz in over a week. What else is new?

But it doesn't matter. Because I met a sexy man on the internet named Orazio. It's pronounced like Or-Otts-E-O. Anyway, I melted when I met him last Wednesday (he came over to my house and hung out for about 5 hours) and then I saw him again last night. We went out to Ventura and got into every kind of trouble imaginable. The good kind of trouble. Anyway, about five minutes after I got there he asked me to be his girlfriend. Whoa. Didn't expect that at all. So I tortured him a while and he asked me a couple more times, appearing to finally crumble, when all the time in my head I was like Yes! Jackpot! Yes!

So let me tell you about him. He's a pilot and he flies to Mexico and Las Vegas regularly. He drives a Lexus. He's over 6 feet tall. I saw his you-know-what and it's incredibly large. He's attractive. He's sick of flying and he is taking Biology courses so that he can be a Biology teacher. He says he likes me a lot. He says that often. He's had 5 girlfriends in the past 3 years, so don't think I'm going crazy head-over-heels on this guy. I am planning to take it one day at a time and enjoy what I've got. I stress too much.

OK, and I'm on day 3 no smoking. I got a patch and I think it's helping. It's a bitch, though, because it comes off in the shower. Orazio says he doesn't care if I smoke, but the first time I met him he said that he used to smoke (for two years) and then one day he decided to quit and said to himself, "This is not a part of me anymore." So I'm going to try that. The problem is that I don't want to gain weight. I know I'll gain a little, so I'll try to curb it by going to the gym.

I'm looking forward to my teaching job... It starts the 24th. Woo hoo. I get kids in on the 27th.

Love you guys. Jinna, when are you getting HERE????

xxx

hi kids

hi,
well, everything has been going ok so far. i felt that mysterious happy feeling again today. i worked for 7 hours, and because i was in such a jubilant mood, i stopped to buy bagels, doughnuts, and OJ for all the ladies i work with. we had a really good day. it was so busy, even if we did have a couple of crazies in, and everyone was in a happy mood. my favorite work colleagues were there. bernadette, fragrances, who told me that her freshman college son came into our department, saw me, and said, "mom, that girl is sooooo pretty." you can imagine that that comment made my day. then an older woman came in and i did the complete hydrating treatment on her face. she told me all about her crap children and how she's raising a 10-month-old baby boy because all her granddaughter is good at is sleeping. so she's raising her great-grandbaby, is 79, and told me over and over that i'd made her day because i made her skin feel so nice and i listened to her. aww.

now for the juicy stuff. tabish came up to santa clarita on friday night. the traffic was awful, of course, and it took him about 2 hours to get here, but he got here around 9 and then took me out for dinner. i ate tortilla soup because i swear to god i haven't been very hungry for months (i am not me, i feel like a different person some days) and i drank a highly-caloric alcoholic beverage. i let him have a sip. then he came back to my place and we drank vodka and pineapple. he made some comment about not drinking very much because the cops would pull him over for drinking and driving for sure because it's labor day weekend. so i, puritan that i am, told him he should just spend the night. it's not a big deal and i could sleep in the other girl's room because she's in miami. then he kissed me a nice deep kiss and said ok. then i found out that he'd already told his mother he was going to sleep over at his friend's house in irvine. ha ha ha. he's so naughty. so anyway, we didn't do the deed or anything, but he is really sweet and nice to sleep next to. (you didn't really think i was going to sleep in the other girl's room, did you?) he did offer to get the condom out of his car, but i said let's wait and he said no problem. see? he's ok.

he also got a lot of the shit spyware off of my computer. in the process, he may have seen this blog's address, so perhaps he is reading this too. hope not. that never turns out well, does it girls?

i'm looking forward to teaching. estee lauder is fun, but it doesn't pay so hot.

my mom is pissed at me because i still haven't mailed her box. i need to do that on tuesday. i'm a crap daughter.

i asked my step-grandfather, tom, if we could have a bar-b-q at his place when i leave work. he said sure. so i'm aiming for a sunday night because we're all off early. hope people will come! i'm going to invite all the peeps from work.

i can't wait until i have money. hello teaching job, good-bye ramen noodles. i have monday off, thank god, so if you feel like calling me, give me a shout!!

that's all for now.

xxx
kat

Miss! Miss!

That's what little English children say. Miss! Miss! Could you help me, Miss? It is cute at first, then it gets really irritating.

But guess what. I just got hired to teach 6th grade. I am so, so, so relieved. My bills were getting out of control! But now I see the light at the end of the tunnel, and I found out I'm going to have loads of time off, and I'm going to save my money so I can get to Oman! I'm so excited. I hope my job rocks. I really am looking forward to joining the professional world again. The Estee Lauder counter has been OUT OF CONTROL during gift. I swear to God, I would like to peg a couple of old ladies in the head with 2.5 ounce jars of Resilience Lift. And rub some Idealist-Micro D exfoliator in their eyes for good measure. Not only is it super grainy, it heats on contact with water. That'll show 'em.

So anyway, I'm in a great mood! I got a real job! Hallelujah! Now I can keep looking for my rich plastic surgeon husband.

Kisses,
kat