Happy Days in Deutchland

I’m alive. And I didn’t murder my mother! Italy was beautiful. We went to Siena, this really old Gothic city that used to rival Florence in every way, and from there we went to Assisi. The best thing about Siena was going to San Domenico and seeing the 700+ year-old finger of dead Saint Catherine. Her little gray, shriveled finger is held upright in a glass dome. Her head is in that church, too, but we couldn’t find it. My mom thinks it was behind this sort of curtained window thing, but I’m not sure.

In Assisi we stayed at this really cute family-run hotel. The waiter was dead hot and he smiled this really goofy smile at me all the time. We went to the big cathedral that has huge paintings of Saint Francis’s life all over the interior. The landscape in front of the surrounding the cathedral is BREATHTAKING. I have never seen such beautiful country. No wonder Tuscany is so well known for it’s scenery.

I searched so hard for some leather slides and a nice wallet, but there wasn’t anything I liked! I couldn’t believe it. I was in the land of leather and couldn’t find anything that wasn’t stamped Jack Daniel’s No. 7 or covered in ridiculous buckles. I hate buckles and studs on clothes and accessories. When is that crap going to go out of style?

The worst thing about the Italy trip was being in the f***ing car. I think I was in the car every day except one for five hours or more. It sucked. And my mom kept b****ing about having to do all the driving. I was like, “Mom, my driving license is in Arabic and you never added me to your car insurance. If I hit someone I’m going to jail!”

At one of the several guest houses we stayed in, I managed to get bitten by the most vicious little bugs on earth. I have a big nasty bite on each butt cheek, one on my back, five on my right arm, two on my left arm, and others that I haven’t found yet. They’re itchy and pink and gross. My mother wasn’t as tasty as me, so they left her alone.

I tried on my wedding gown last night. It’s too long for me. Otherwise, it’s beautiful. I wish I could have zipped it up the back (it fit well, but I couldn’t reach it to zip it). I thought it would make me sad about my lost wedding day, but it didn’t. I am so relieved that I don’t have to go through with that.

I’m selling my life on ebay. But the internet here at my house has gone psychotic. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. It annoys me. I’m selling my old videos, DVDs, some books, some clothes, and all my Wedgwood china. I need money, I need money. I bet I end up working at McDonald’s in L.A.

I still get nice e-mails from Aroun. He says he is not chasing women, just leading a secluded life in Al Ain. He’s doing his real estate stuff, thinking about switching his job to one based in Abu Dhabi, and teaching. He’s going back to France in late June. Just think, if things had been different he might have attended my wedding.